Embarrassment Articles
Alright, just for the people who don't know what I am talking about, I will explain what an embarrassment article is. They are located in teen girl magazines like "YM" and "Seventeen" and have stories that people send in and are supposedly their "most embarrassing moment." I remember girls in Junior High showing me some of these stories and wanting to slit my own throat. Here are a few things that these stories have to contain to be good enough to get into one of these magazines.
- Has to contain at least one teenage girl either 1) having her period on, or in front of people, 2) Farting in front of people, 3) Pissing or shitting in their pants.
- Has to happen in front of their "Crush" who is "Totally Hot," and they never end up talking to them again.
- Main story teller is a still clumsy girl who isn't used to her adult sexual organs yet.
- Quite often they are trying to look cool in front of a specific person and they end up "Wishing they were DEAD!"
- Must have a rating system. I will use stars.
* Your face
is still red.
** Your friends still tease you about it.
*** No boy will touch you ever again.
**** Kill yourself as soon as possible.
Here are some examples of some stories that you might read in one of these magazines:
One night my friend was having a party when her parents were gone. I decided to invite this guy who I was totally crushing on. I was so excited when he said he would come and I couldn't contain myself all night! When he showed up I was about ready to scream. There were alot of people around and I decided to ask my crush if he wanted to go for a walk. We went to this park around the block and sat down on the bench. I was trying to be flirty and joke around with him, so I sat on his lap! We had a good laugh about it, but when I got up I saw that I had my period ALL OVER HIS WHITE PANTS! He got up and saw and started screaming and ran all the way home. I was so mortified that I never talked to him since! **
-Jenny, 16
Once in the middle of the class I realized that I really needed to go to the washroom to change my tampon. When I got there I did what I had to do, but i realized that I had to take a major dump too! So after that, I went back to class. My crush who sits in front of me was looking super HOT that day. After a while I dropped my pencil and it rolled up in front of him. He didn't see it so I had to get up to pick it up. When i was there, I didn't realize that there was crap on my leg! When he saw that he gasped and said "Whoa, get any in the toilet?" I jumped up super fast and farted right in his face! I was SO mortified that I dropped that class. Till this day my friends call me "Poop Leg." ***
-Beth, 15
I had just been going out with my boyfriend for 1 week when the opportunity to go on a hot air balloon arose. I had been crushing on this guy since grade school and I finally got the chance to date him. I was super psyched up about our date. I always wanted to go on a hot air balloon ride. There was only one problem, I had diarreah really bad and I didn't want my boyfriend to know. We had just reached maximum height when I realized that I really had to go! There was only one chance, so I said to my boyfriend "Look at that cloud," and I whipped down my pants and hung it over the edge. There was shit flying everywhere, my boyfriend turned around and caught a spray right IN HIS FACE! He dumped me right there and I felt like jumping off the balloon. ***
-Suzy, 17
The first time my boyfriend and I were going to get intimate, I went down on him. He peed right in my mouth and I got up a threw up everywhere. I felt like going into a hole and dying. He said he couldn't be with someone who didn't enjoy a stinky soda in the mouth, so he broke up with me. I think I am going to kill myself. **
-Pam, 18
One time I had to make a speech in front of the ENTIRE SCHOOL! I was so nervous that I couldn't believe it. Halfway in I realized that My voice was sounding very nasal. I knew I had a big booger in there. I absolutely couldn't handle it. I quickly turned around and picked it out. The crowd started laughing like crazy, then the ginger ale that I had before hit my stomach and I burped really loud into the microphone. I was soooooo embarrassed! *
-Dawn, 14
I was talking to this one boy who I had been crushing on for a long long time. I would do anything to be with him, because he was SOOO BUFF! We had a few drinks and I was feeling a bit tipsy. I asked him if he wanted to come back to my place since it was only a block away and my parents were gone to the lake for the weekend. We got there and broke open the liquor cabinet. We got really messed up and started to talk about sex. He started to tell me that he liked to shit on peoples chests and pee on them. I wasn't really into it, but he was so hot and I was really drunk! We went to my parents bedroom and he started to crap on me and pee all over the place. I was totally covered from his shit-piss. Then I thought why should he have all the fun, and I started to squat down to pinch one out. I heard the bedroom door swing open, and there was my Grandma! My parents had her staying at the house to watch me while they were out of town! We were totally naked, covered in feces, and grandma fainted. We cleaned up all the shit and piss and told grandma that she must have been having a dream. I am now dating "bowel boy" and he takes shit pisses on me ALL THE TIME! ****
-Kate, 17