Embarrassment Articles 2
Ok, I explained what these are in the previous Embarrassment Article. So, go there if you don't know what the fuck is going on. Click here.
*-Sidenote: Yes I did make up all of these articles myself and didn't get it out of a magazine. Why the fuck would I post shit that I didn't make up myself? The next person to ask me gets a stab wound in the head.-*
I needed a new rating system. I have chosen the Steve Buschemi Head scale of rankness.
Your face is still red.
Your friends still tease you about it.
No boy will touch you ever again.
Kill yourself as soon as possible.
Here are more examples of some stories that you might read in one of these magazines:
This one day I went to the park with my best friend. Little did I know that this guy who I had been crushing on for years would be there. There was a sprinkler on the sidewalk and my friend and I decided to run through it. My crush saw this and took off his shirt to run through with us. He was so buff that I got so excited that I peed ALL OVER HIS LEG! He saw the yellow stream hitting his leg, totally freaked and passed out. Once the Ambulance came and revived him he called me a "sick piss bitch." I was SO mortified that I never went back to that park again!
-Betty, 16
I was in church one day and I really had to take a shit. I snuck out the back and when I got to the bathroom, I saw that there was an Out Of Order sign on the woman's side. I thought that since everyone was in the sermon, that I could quickly use the men's bathroom. After I dropped a couple of logs An old man burst in and I was so scared that I shit all over him and myself. We tried to clean ourselves off as much as we could but he said he still had to take a whiz, and he accidently got it all over us. We had to walk back into the sermon covered in shit piss. I am not allowed back in the church and the old man went to prison.
-Anna, 15
This guy who I had the biggest crush on finally asked my to go out for coffee with him. I was so nervous, but he was super cool so after a while I started to relax. I had been having a heavy period at the time and I was wearing 2 tampons and 3 pads just to be safe. I had my purse stack with the stuff. Just then he grabbed my purse and said he needed a cigarrette. He pulled out one of my tampons and I was horrified to see that he actually lit it up! He said that it must be a menthol, and contunued to smoke it. The waitress came by and asked him why he was smoking a tampon. I was sooo embarrassed, especially when he found out it was used!
-Danielle, 17
One day I was walking down the hallway by this group of guys, including the boy that I had a crush on. They started to whistle at me so I turned around to stick my tongue out at them when this other guy came from behind me and ripped my top off! The group of boys all saw my boobies! My crush said to me after that he would go out with me if I had bigger boobs. Everyone still calls me two by four. I want to die.
-Ashley, 13
My most embarrassing moment happened at Prom! I had just been voted prom queen and I was having the first dance with my boyfriend and we were the only people on the dance floor. I was wearing a white dress and I was on my period. I didn't realize but I was dripping all over the front of it. When I saw it, I got so scared that I shit my pants. There was red stains in the front, brown in the back. For a while people were calling me a chocolate fudge vanilla sundae with strawberry sauce. Thank god the name was too long to catch on.
-Claire, 17
I was having a party when my parents went out of town and all of my friends, including my crush were in our backyard drinking. We were all in my hot tub and stuff and we were all pretty drunk. After all my friends left, I asked my crush if he wanted to stay and go into the hot tub again. He said sure. After a while we were relaxing, and then we started to kiss. We had eaten some pizza a bit earlier so I had really bad diarreah. I didn't realize that while we were kissing I had been shitting for about 5 minutes. Not only that but I was pissing all over the place too! It was so warm that I couldn't tell. Then I noticed that there were some logs floating, and I thought, I never shit logs, then I looked at him and he was grinning. He picked up a log and started to draw on his chest with it. I was so repulsed that I threw up in his mouth, and he threw up in mine then I hopped out and ran away, and passed out in the shower. I woke up wrapped up in towels, and the hot tub had been drained and cleaned by him. What a sweetheart. We are engaged. Our friends call us the "Shit-tub Twins."
-Kristy, 18