New Celebrity Endorsements
Here's the deal with this piece of shit that I am writing. Here's some celebrities, and they are lending their face to some new products. Enjoy you piece of shit.
Celebrity:
Saddam Hussein
Product: Saddam Wrap
More info: After Saddam was living in a hole for a long period of time, he
realized his #1 problem was that the food he brought with him wouldn't keep
it's freshness! Well Saddam had enough, he went right to his labratory and
invented Saddam Wrap. The Saran Wrap company found out about this bullshit
and sent out some goons to find him, once again in a hole with a beard the
size of a whale.
Celebrity:
Britney Spears
Product: Shitney Smears Ass Wipes
More info: Going through many stages to fit in with what is popular at the
time is one of the most important parts of being a pop icon. Britney, noticing
a frightening and disgusting trend among teenage girls wanted to get ahead
of the market. That trend is girls farting and burping and not remembering
that they are girls. They cover this by saying I don't care how I act and
don't care who doesn't like it. Britney takes this to the next level by reminding
all the boys in the world, that yes, she may be hot, but occasionally she
still has to take a gigantic shit. ps. Girls I don't ever fart in front of
you, so please stop, it's honestly sickening. No wonder you never get laid.
Celebrity:
Steve Buschemi
Product: Steve Buschemi's "I never even tried it" Toothpaste
More info: The best selling point, and what they decided to stress in all
of the advertising for this product was that Steve never actually used the
product. You see, he is so ugly that if he has used the product, people would
see his crooked, missing teeth as a major flaw in the product. If you ask
me, hiring the ugliest person in the world to model any product is stupid.
But then again, Stupid people do stupid things.
Celebrity:
David Schwimmer
Product: David Schwimmering Pool (DSP)
More info: Since his shitty piece of shit show "Friends" went off
the air, and he hasn't been able to find a hiring McDonalds, David has branched
out to sell his own line of swimming pools. Isn't he witty? See, Schwimmering
sounds like Swimming. Give this guy a gold medal. (In the Special Olympics)
Celebrity:
Osama Bin Laden
Product: Osama 'Recyling Bin' Laden
More info: Osama finally sick of his bad reputation has decided to give something
back to the earth. I'm not talking about the load the camel blew that missed
his throat and accidently landed in the desert sand... I'm talking recycling!
Osama found he was tired of picking up soda cans while walking through the
caves and deserts. He said "There has to be a better way!" The Osama
recyling program does NOT endorse international terrorism, so start recyling
today! *Cough*