Santa Claus is a Pedophile
Santa Claus isn't a sweet jolly old man. He would have you believe that he is a good guy who brings your kids toys. He has an alterior motive in bringing your children things. You guessed right... He wants to have sex with them. Santa, I appreciate all of the toys and gifts over the years, but if you think that it's time that I "gave you something in return" you are a sadly mistaken fat fuck.
Let's take a look at the facts:
1) He always gets kids to sit on his lap. (The lap is where the penis is located.)
2) He gives children candy canes. Candy canes consist of wicked gay colors and stripes.
3) He can't hire children to work at the north pole, so he picked the closest looking thing to kids, elves.
4) He has a boney in his little red pants in 90% of pictures.
5) Look at his fucking beard. You can't have a beard like that and say that you don't have sex with kids.
6) His outfit, and big black sack.
7) He hangs out with reindeer. When is the last time you have ever heard of a reindeer testifying in court against a child molester. Exactly.
Go look at Santa's website visit history. You will be suprized and disgusted. I swear when I was 5 I sat on this sick fucks lap, I felt a boner. I didn't know what a boner was at the time, so I didn't realize. I'm glad that I told him I wasn't willing to come back to "Santa's Workshop" to help him "pack away some boxes" for that Tonka truck. I may have not turned out to be the virile young heterosexual that I am today. Santa, you need to be arrested. He has the best defense "clause" in the world though. "I'm not real." Fuck that shit. It will be wicked hard to get him behind bars, but if you aren't careful, and you are under 10, he might try to handcuff you to some bars. And you were wondering where he got those rosy cheeks from.
Mr. Claus, the part that hurts the most is the fact that I thought of you as such a good man for all of those years. Well, the fact that you bone little boys and girls hurts the most, but the other thing hurts too. I bet the pain that I feel in my heart is nothing compared to what those little children feel in their bums. There will be no "stuffing" my "stocking" this year, old man. You should start to slide down Mrs. Claus' chimmney for a change, instead of committing moral crimes against children. I hope you have a shitty Christmas, and die before New Years'.