Good Moves For Halloween
Well it's the Halloween season. Seeing as how I usually write about holidays, I decided to write one about fun things to do on Halloween. Well this should be a kick in the testes. Enjoy.
#1 The old lady who answers the door when you are trick or treating give you something shitty like an apple. Usually you'd be thinking, lets toilet paper her tree or throw eggs at her house. Fuck that pussy shit. Grab a fucking blunt object and go to work on her head. Knock some sense into that old bitch! You will be suprized how easy she hits the floor. This will leave her open for face blows.
Feel free to use any of the following objects:
-Bats
-Crowbars
-Chains
-Barb wire
-Golf Club covered in Broken Glass
I guarantee the next year the bitch will make with the chocolate (if she is still alive).
#2 It's time to forget some of the old shit that your grandparents were doing. Show the people you hate what a truly demented fuck you are by stepping it up a notch. Get rid of your toilet paper, soap, and eggs. Try smearing shit all over the persons house. Toss some logs, they stick pretty well. Then smudge dirty words onto their garage. Anywhere you can throw shit, do it. The more the better. The shit is really hard to get off. They will try a garden hose, however they are going to have to go up and scrub by hand. Also take a big stinky piss somewhere too.
For added bonus, drive by the next day and laugh at the person hosing the shit off their house.
#3 Call your friends and pretend to be another family member or a doctor. Tell them that one of their family members has just died in a car accident. As your friend starts to ball, start laughing at him and then tell them who you are and that their family member is alright. You will both have a great laugh together. God you're an asshole.
#4 When you go up to someones house, and they answer the door, before they say anything to you, whip out a chainsaw and cut off one of their legs. Sure it will hurt them for a few minutes, but it won't even be too bad, since you will both be laughing so hard. He will probably say some thing like "Ohhh Dan, My stump and I are going to get you next year.... call me an ambulance please." Just kick him in the ribs and tell them hospitals are for pussies and that he should suck it up.
Well I hope these new gags have given you some idea of the new age of hillarity. I think these pranks are top grade. Also, if someone comes out of their house when you are throwing shit at it, try to throw a log into their mouth. They will puke everywhere and it will be the best moment of your life. Happy Halloween.